How to Stop Losing Your Cool on Your Kids
Kids push parents to the brink of coping, and sometimes over.
Parents are stressed out, tired, and don’t always know how to cope with the constant demands of parenting. No matter where you are in your stage of parenting with your children, it’s challenging.
Parents of younger kids are wrestling with lack of sleep, trying to lay the foundations for structure, and adjust to all the newness just to survive the days. As children grow, they begin exerting their will on the environment and aren’t always cooperative about it. Parents of tweens and teens are dealing with tons of hormonal, emotional, social, and psychological changes.
Struggling to know how to support kids at each stage feels like a constantly moving target. You barely figure out one need and then the needs change.
Modern parents are challenged with many unique stressors that previous generations don’t know how to support or guide.
This is frustrating. It puts parents in a position where they are trying to figure it out and their resources are limited to other parents going through the same things, self-help literature, medicine, or professional help.
Previous generations don’t know what to do with challenges to regulate the social pressures, screen-time wars, new kinds of bullying, and changes in family structure. Many families are dual income, making quality time and structure extremely difficult to balance. There is little time to regenerate from one day to the next, let alone read a self-help book and figure out what to do with it.
Sometimes the simple things help the most.
Most of us have forgotten to maintain the basics. In Kindergarten, we are taught to play, eat, sleep, take breaks, and go outside. As adults, we are frantically “adulting” and often forget the basics of self-regulation. Without realizing how much we are juggling, we get tired and cranky. Our coping gets exceeded.
Make time in the morning to wake up calmly. Sometimes just adding 15 minutes to your morning schedule allows you to wake up, focus on your goals for the day, and get moving. Rushing invites anger, angst, and anxiety. Adding a few minutes in the morning to slow down and not rush can help. This prevention strategy helps keep mornings running smoothly.
If you’re feeling angry or upset, time yourself out. Twenty minutes is typically how long it takes for the body to reset. If you can’t afford that much time, take any amount of time you can. Any break in a cycle that decreases emotional reactivity can help the situation deescalate and be more productive. Think about the problem, your goal, and what you can to help achieve that goal before returning to the conversation.
Take breaks regularly. Taking a few minutes to yourself can help you breathe, relax your body, refocus, and then continue with your goals. Parents can take turns with each other or invite their kids to join the breaktime. Everyone gets a spot in the house where they can relax when a “breaktime” is called. Each person goes to their designated, the timer is set, and everyone chills out for a few.
Talk to a friend or family member. It’s best to choose people who stay calm, not those who join in the chaos. Sometimes venting and normalizing makes a world of difference. Brainstorming encourages new options for problem-solving.
And sometimes no matter how hard you try, it’s just not enough.
That’s totally normal. People do what makes sense to them. Sometimes it helps. Other times it’s not enough or even backfires.
Parenting counseling helps people learn how to implement changes that are effective and lasting. Feel free to reach out for help. Being a parent is tough. I know because I am one.
