Parenting Counseling
Struggling with how parenting has changed your life? Wrestling with a specific parenting problem or generally feeling fried?
Feeling stressed and overwhelmed by the demands of parenting?
Maybe things have been going relatively well but you’ve hit a rough patch and don’t know what to do. You’re feeling helpless or worn out.
You want to do things one way, your partner wants to do them another.
Blending a family is tougher than you realized. Maybe you’ve started and are experiencing challenges. Or need help planning to blend as you make changes in life.
Not sure what to do with behavioral problems? Maybe nothing seems to be working. You need some new strategies.
There isn’t enough time in the day for work, tasking, quality time with your kids/partner, or self-care. Time is racing and you can’t find balance. There isn’t enough time to regenerate fully from one day to the next.
Parenting doesn’t have to feel this painful or overwhelming.
You’ve tried what you know. It’s not working. Parenting is harder than people realize. It’s something you can’t fully prepare for. You must do some learning the hard way.
Let’s work together so you can develop the skills you need to be the parent you want to be, support your family, and honor your own needs along the way.
Parenting is naturally full of chaos and disorder.
I have yet to meet a parent who isn’t struggling. When we have kids, we invite chaos and disruption. It’s like we set off a bomb in our lives. Our expectations rarely ever match reality.
These tiny little humans quickly begin exerting their own will on the environment, and we realize how difficult that is to manage. They don’t sleep, pick up after themselves, are always needing something, asking questions, exploring their environments, and seeking power and attention. That’s so much to be constantly keeping track of and responding to!
Having kids is fantastic and wonderful….and exhausting and messy.
At least it feels that way a lot of times. It’s a season of giving. It becomes more about them and less about you. That’s a wonderful thing when we can figure out how to balance it out. Parents are some of the hardest working people. They literally don’t have enough time in the day. It doesn’t seem to matter if you’re a stay-at-home parent, a household with both parents working, or a single parent. There just isn’t enough time. It’s hard. Ridiculously and unexpectedly hard.
You put them before yourself, running ragged so they get what they need. There isn’t enough time to take care of yourself. When was the last time you had some quality me-time, took a shower (regularly), or went out with your partner or friends? It’s hard to find the time. By the end of the day, you have enough time to grab a glass of the bubbly and flip on Netflix. Netflix is your quality time…your date night.
Unsuccessful parenting often results from lack of structure.
Most households struggle to balance values related to money, schedules, intimacy, discipline, household chores, and quality time. The underlying core issue for parents is often a lack of structure. Inconsistencies lead to frequent arguing and difficulties organizing. This becomes exhausting and erodes the relationship between partners, and between parents and children.
Effective counseling helps parents find structure, resolves values differences, and provides methods to resolve conflicts now and in the future.
Parenting counseling successfully teaches realistic expectation setting, behavior modification, and self-care.
Examining the unique personality of each child, what they need to be successful, and our own (usually unrealistic) assumptions is key to successful parenting. Parenting counseling is useful because it provides both the 30,000-mile view of what is happening in the family system, and the customized and tangible solutions for change. Everyone has a role to play in improving the household dynamic.
Coaching is an essential resource for parents. Parents do what they learned growing up…or the opposite. That’s not always enough. It’s easy to feel like you’re stuck in a circle of trying, failing, and then feeling awful. Coaching helps parents identify these cycles, stop them, and implement effective, non-shaming approaches.
“Kids are chaos and disorder. Get over it!”
Anyone who knows me knows this is NOT a dismissal of the challenges inherent in parenting. It’s zippers together validation and reality. I love how it captures both the simplicity of the principles we need to adjust our expectations and the extreme challenges and complications that make up our stress. Kids naturally equal chaos and disorder. To expect anything different is our cognitive error.
Parenting it is laced with so much emotional reactivity. The people we are the most reactive to are our partners and kids. We need to adjust our expectations and methods.
Kids need calm leaders, not leaders who join the chaos and disorder.
Trial and error only get you so far. It’s harder to change behavior later than it is to set the stage for healthy expectations up front. Regardless of where you’re at in your parenting, there is hope and help.
Effective parenting counseling helps parents find joy amidst the chaos. Therapy builds parenting skills that help regulate disorder and guide behavior until emotional/behavioral maturity sets in.
Parenting therapy provides a plan to address each child’s and family’s unique needs.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. People read the self-help books and seek advice from well-meaning friends and family, but usually need a customized approach.
Parenting counseling involves a skilled examination of what is happening in the system and provides a balanced approach to inviting kids to own their lives and their behaviors. It’s a balance of power between the children and adults. Balancing ownership, responsibility, and outcomes is difficult.
Kids develop self-discipline over time. Learning to validate and empathize with them while struggling to validate and control your own emotions is very difficult. This is partly what causes the cycles of trying and feeling like a failure. Successful counseling helps parents understand this struggle and promotes change.
Counseling addresses differences in major values (i.e. discipline, time, money, intimacy) that most parents wrestle with. Improving the balance in self-care, quality time for partners, financial decisions, and household organization (i.e. chores, tasking) are prerequisites for parenting success.
Parenting therapy provides reliable guidance in difficult times.
People enjoy working with me because I balance the academic understanding of what is happening with the tangible application of what to do to fix a problem. They love my oscillation between professionalism and personal experiences. Clients tell me they feel safe, understood, and like we are in this together.
One couple once told me they wanted to stick a Fathead poster of me on the wall to remind themselves to ask, “What would Kristen suggest in a situation like this?” I about died laughing, and obviously they didn’t really do that. Families frequently talk about how they hear our conversations in their minds as they work through challenging situations.
When life is really hard, it’s important to have someone you can trust and continuously turn to throughout life as a guiding mentor. Being a therapist is akin to being the beacon on the shore to help navigate you through life’s storms.
Common Questions from Parents About Counseling
Are you able to help us with our specific parenting challenges?
Each family is different. In the initial phone consultation, we will discuss your needs. I work successfully with most types of families. I work best with parents who are motivated and willing to learn. Most of my parents attend regularly and take notes, implementing recommendations between sessions, and following up with what is working or still needs attention.
Most of the time parents enter counseling feeling frustrated, confused, or overwhelmed. That’s OK. Part of the process is understanding the problem thoroughly and organizing it. Then we work on solutions. I will help you identify the erosive cycles in your family and create a plan. You should leave sessions with notes and goals.
Some of the services I do NOT provide include:
court-mandated parent reconciliation
custody evaluations
psychological testing
emotional support animal letters
However, I am well connected in the community and can provide referrals when necessary.
Parenting is hard, and it’s important to find the best therapist for your needs. I’m happy to chat to ensure we are a best fit.
Do you work with blended families?
Yes. Blending families is a unique process. It’s unlike any other parenting structure and layered with many challenges. Family therapists help reconcile the dissolution of one or more family systems, support a grieving process, and facilitate major adjustments in logistical and emotional structures.
What works in other parenting structures doesn’t always work for blended families. It’s hard to know what to expect and how to face it. In parenting therapy, we identify each family’s specific needs and implement appropriate methods that address all concerns and challenges.
Do you have kids?
In other words, “Do I have any credibility or have any idea what I’m talking about?”
YES! I know firsthand what it is like to adjust to being a parent, wrestle through mom-guilt, and continuously work on work-life balance and self-care. I have a deep amount of empathy for parents. As a working mom, I know what it’s like to wrestle with balance, feel “touched out,” and have had plenty of struggles to overcome. Parenting is definitely a labor of love.
Let’s navigate this together.
If you’d like help with family and parenthood challenges, feel free to give me a call.
I personally answer my phone and return calls the same day or within 24 hours. It’s important to feel comfortable with your counselor. I will take my time, answer your questions, and help you feel comfortable with the process.
Let’s chat and see if we are a good fit. Call me at 810-397-4861.
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